Find Balance!

Every relationship needs a tune-up. As with most things in life, paying attention, applying care, makes things last longer, and relationships are no exception.  Think of your relationship like a square – evenly balanced between 4 corners…..

It doesn’t matter which of the 4 corners are your strongest base in your relationship. What matters is you don’t want to be missing any one corner, leaving your square teetering on 3 sides, unbalanced.

Think of one corner as your similarities and differences.  In a healthy relationship, you need to be appreciative of your similarities and differences.  You need your similarities for cohesiveness as a couple. But you need your differences for new energy, a different way of looking at things – new ideas.

Another corner might be your interactions. It is all about talking and listening:  if one partner does more of the talking, decision making, etc, and the other at times unheard, then the relationship is unbalanced. Talking and listening allows the exchanges that help the relationship to grow, morph, deepen.

There also has to be a corner that is a kind of unique container to hold the relationship. It is the shared meaning of the relationship, coming from shared action and shared understanding. It is your unique signature, from being together.  You both have to feel engaged, even “productive” in the relationship. Celebrate your contributions to the “container”!

Finally, the last corner is simply the commitment to the success of the relationship – your “reason for being”.  It is the glue that holds you together.  If there is too much disagreement, too much wasted energy in conflicting activities, then you might not believe in your reasons for being together.  An acknowledgement, even a formal “meeting” from time to time, about your agreed commitment could be very fruitful and healthy.

When one of these points is out of balance, the relationship doesn’t function as well.  Consider using these 4 corner points as a tool to review your relationship, and talk with your partner.

You go to a personal trainer to make a commitment to exercise; you attend training seminars to improve your career.  But short of going to a marriage counselor, how do you climb the ladder of success with your spouse? How do you get a personalized plan to improve your marriage?

 The most direct method to success:

Spend some time thinking about it! This is a challenge to read on for five more minutes, and invest in your relationship future!  It’s a three step process.

 ONE – Get rid of ho-hum date nights

 We’ve all done it.  Dinner and a Movie. And you discuss the kids and their latest antics of declaring war on the dog, resulting in tripping over toy soldiers in the stairwell.  We all want a change of pace for our date night. Sure it’s great to be alone, just the two of you, but the classic problem is —- you really HAVE forgotten how to talk to each other.  Would you consider a conversation game? Wait! Hold that thought – more to come! But make the choice to NOT have another ho-hum date night.  

TWO – Focus on each other

 Looking for deeper connections is something that makes sense, though you may never find yourselves actually saying it to each other.

• But remember back to the last really interesting conversation you enjoyed –with anybody! 
• Chances are whether it was a co-worker or a neighbor, you paid them the honor of focusing ONLY on them as they talked to you. 
• It is not so easy for us to focus on each other after a long day at work, or cleaning up after the dog.
• Yet, if you were brave, the first to bring it up, you could ask your spouse to try something new.

 SOMETHING NEW:  You’ll each have one thing you want to tell each other, and you’ll listen completely and totally while you divulge it. Listening, with full eye contact and no distractions. Maybe make a promise to keep it short for this first try! This could be a new kind of date night….

 THREE – Have Fun

 Yes, it probably sounds trite. You have heard it before. But there is something to having fun. It’s contagious. Plenty of articles have been written about how it takes you out of your day-to-day stress.  You’ve read them – admit it.   http://stress.about.com/od/positiveattitude/a/having_fun.htm  Those headlines catch your eye, because deep down you DO want to have fun again! 

• But it can take some planning
• A certain commitment that you will show up to have fun. Really be there
• (Not the way you show up for those company training sessions, your mind on five other things)
•  The kind of “show up” that makes you lose track of time – where you enter the flow of fun

 YOUR CHALLENGE – SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT

 The three steps above are all do-able.

• You could decide today to do it. It doesn’t even have to cost much.
• It’s about intention…deciding to do something differently
• Give it your full attention, with a little planning and some conversation.  And you will feel GREAT!

 However, if you don’t mind a little help (after all, we do accept personal trainers, and those HR session leaders), then consider a few aids to help you in your quest for TRUE LOVE with your spouse.  Try the Out of the Box Dates conversation cards. For only $4.99:  http://www.outoftheboxdates.com/more-shopping.php#cards.  You will learn something about each other! There are plenty of other games, too if you want to look for a way to add some fun to your Date Nights.  It’s all in your hands.    Take a chance–True Love waits!