You can’t reach what you don’t define!

Everyone believes in goals. You have to know what your goal is, and then take steps, mini-goals even, to help you achieve that goal.  It works for careers; it works for education. So how about a Love Goal? Why not take steps, to achieve the relationship you want.

Relationships can seem like a puzzle. And you aren’t sure what step to take next. Or you’ve been in it awhile, and you stopped looking for other pieces.  Don’t think of your relationship as a puzzle;  consider the time-honored success of setting a goal – your Love Goal.

Goals help you focus your time and efforts.  You achieve so much more than when you are unfocused.  Unfocused, diffused energy means just passing time as many people do with their relationships.  Goals help you establish priorites. Instead of just going with the flow and letting  other interests determine where you end up, you consciously decide which way to go.

A few hours of focused time, and you will see and feel the success of making your relationship a priority.

Simple goals:  Hold hands during a walk…find  a reason to encourage or compliment your partner…suprise them with their favorite piece of candy…decide together that you will take 2 hours each week to set your relationship goals or review them — and set new ones.

Goals provide a way to focus and concentrate your time and energy into carefully chosen targets that you designed or the two of you designed together, to make significant positive impacts in your relationship.

 Don’t wait another minute! Spend some time together and set a few small starter goals or a goal statement for your relationship renewal!

Relationship Renewal!

Bursts of crimson, gold and orange still delight us with sudden color after the sameness of green foliage. Relationships can bring the same delight. Crisp fall days are made for relationship revivals. It’s the perfect time to plan a overnight get-away.

Bed and Breakfasts always jump to mind…and there is none better than the Out of The Box Date offering called Pillars of Love.  It’s a beautifully packaged romantic weekend at the lovely Pillar Inn in Cold Spring MN.

 Another idea? Homeaway.com gives you the chance to relax around a house with a twist – the novely of a house that isn’t yours, with the time to enjoy the amenties, read a book or take a nap without guilt.  You can rent a lovely home for a night or a weekend, with none of the long lists of things you need to do around your own home running through your head.  And even more delightful, many of Out of The Box Date adventures can go along with you! Try a log cabin on Lake Superior with it’s own semi-private island close to a casino. Or a cottage in Duluth with a private sand dune  just made for romantic beach walks in the fall.

Want a wild and crazy idea? This may take a little planning, but if you don’t mind a road trip or can find a great airfare, many ports on the east or west coast offer a Cruise to Nowhere.  You get great off-season prices on cabin’s for 1-3 day cruises with no ports of call (usually a repositioning for the ship).  You get to enjoy all the amenities of the cruise ship, while cruising nowhere! Sometimes it’s a transfer ship from one city to another. Sometimes they just cruise out for two days and return to the same port. But the prices can’t be beat, and you get to enjoy the spa, casino, multitudes of buffets, wave pools, movies, deck games, night shows and any specialties they offer like wine tastings.  Go wild and crazy!

Sometimes the ”short trip” planning can be more fun than a long vacation. It allows a change of pace that revitilizes you as a couple, leading to opportunities for new activities, and extra one on one time that comes with enjoying a get-a-way!! Enjoy your Fall Get-Away!!

We are all wondering about these whimsical summer evenings – 72 degrees some eves’, 62 others.  Does it make it hard to plana little couple-only time away? Not at all! You always deserve a date night, a relationship boost, a refreshing night of something different, unexpected or nostalgic…

While it may not always be warm enough for a hazy dreamy twilight walk and kiss, (at least this summer!) there are some lovely alternatives.  The UofM Showboat Theatre review is raving “a cut above”  for both the production and the acting talents of   ’The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’. What could be more novel than a theatre production on a floating showboat?!  It’s got date potential and will be playing all summer! Check out the other river cruises for their possibilities!

How about a bit of nostalgia?  Try Mini Golf!   The Adventure Gardens Mini Golf has 18 holes of miniature golf surrounded by attractive gardens, landscaping, waterfalls, ponds and streams.  It is located on the west edge of Veteran’s Memorial Park on 64th and Portland.

Perhaps some music outdoors at twilight will beguile you both into a summertime frame of mind?  The Music in the Zoo has tickets for many different July and August events. There is a little something for every musical taste – try the Monkey’s (for anyone who grew up in the 70′s!) to Los Lobos, or BoyzIIMen or HippieFest 2011, or Gaellic Storm! You can’t miss, it’s a guaranteed date night winner!

And if you are looking for a truly unique date, then go no further than Out Of The Box Dates.  You simply must try “Somethin’s Cooking” or “Let the Games Begin!” Check out all our dates, games, love notes or conversation cards. And then write us with your exceptional date experiences – we’d love to hear!

Dates made for Walking!

There is nothing better for relationships than walking.  You walk, you talk, your natural seratonin production puts you both in a great mood. Walking and talking is for connecting, communicating, and cultivating a great relationship. And we’ve got some great places…..

Need some fresh ideas for where to walk? You probably know some spots near you, but maybe you should try another part of town! Check out these ideas:

What could be a better romantic view than the Mississippi River Gorge and Stone Arch Bridge? Try Father Hennepin Park - 8 acres with footpaths, picnic tables and even the occasional wedding!

 Try this one in St. Paul – 160 acres located in the SW corner of Shepherd Road and 35E – Crosby Farm Park.  With about 6.7 miles of paved trails, the park provides a beautiful setting for an afternoon’s walk, run, or ride. Trails run along shady, wooded bottomlands next to the Mississippi River, along the marshes of Crosby Lake, past scenic picnic areas, and connects to the Mississippi River Boulevard parkway.

Or try the Anoka County Riverfront Park along the east side of the Mississippi River.  An excellent bicycle/walking trail connects this park to additional trails north of the park, and south to the Grand Rounds Scenic Byway trails. Two bridges in the area span the river allowing for a pleasant loop along the Mississippi River.

In South Minneapolis, you could try Roberts Bird Sanctuary.   During April and May Thomas Sadler Roberts Bird Sanctuary is a great location to observe spring migratory birds, especially warblers. The main entrance to the sanctuary is at the new visitors shelter that is adjacent to the Lyndale Park Gardens parking lot near the Peace Garden.  The bird sanctuary is located on Roseway Road, 1 block east of Lake Harriet Parkway.

Perhaps get a little history while you walk, at  The Bruce Vento Nature Sanctuary, located along the north shore of the Mississippi River east of downtown Saint Paul (near corner of Commercial Street and 4th Street E.).   It was a significant site for Native Americans; Wakan Tipi (Spirit House), a cave, is located in the sandstone bluff that rims the north edge of the park.  There are walking and biking trails, and nice views of the Saint Paul skyline upriver.

The newest addition to the Minneapolis Riverfront District is a piece of land that has never before been walked by the general public.  You can experience the power of the mighty Mississippi River as it flows over St. Anthony Falls. You feel the power of the river, the spray from the falls as you stand on one of the three overlooks with the skyline of downtown Minneapolis in the back round in Water Power Park.

Overlooking St. Anthony Falls located on the upper portion of Father Hennepin Island on the Mississippi River, Water Power Park is accessible from Main Street just across from St. Anthony Main. Park in the St. Anthony Falls Ramp and take the connecting tunnel to Main St. and you will find yourself just across the street from Water Power Park.

  The possiblities are almost endless! You could turn these into summer walks as well, and and your relationship will soar!  Write comments and tell us if you try these parks or have others to tell us about!

Spring is in the air!

Springtime brings a certain light-heartedness and joie de vivre after winter (a really LONG winter) and can also inspire thoughts of romance.  What better spring inspiration than looking for a romantic marriage booster shot!

A short article in Science Daily (May 24, 2010) indicates it’s the little things like everyday gratitude that is a booster shot for romantic relationships.  They discuss  the methods of gratitude we can use to give a boost to our romantic relationships, and help us achieve and maintain satisfaction with our partners.

Lead author of the study quoted, Dr. Sara Algoe says events such as one partner planning a celebratory meal when the other partner gets a promotion, taking the children to the zoo so the other partner can have some quiet time, or stopping to pick up the other partner’s favorite coffee drink are each examples of gratuitous behavior that could strengthen romantic relationships, if the recipient feels grateful in response.

The study authors chose to study over sixty-five couples who were already in ongoing, satisfying, and committed relationships. They tracked the day-to-day fluctuations in relationship satisfaction and connection for each member of the relationship. These little, everyday, ups and downs in relationship quality were reliably marked by one person’s feelings of gratitude. The effects on the relationship were noticed even the day after feeling the gratitude was expressed. This research thus suggests that even everyday gratitude serves an important relationship maintenance mechanism in close relationships, acting as a booster shot to the relationship.

And the good news is, this can help a relationship on the rocks as much as a stable committed couple. So be the first and take a chance – find a way to give this booster shot to your marriage - feel the gratitude – and watch it come around!

Find Balance!

Every relationship needs a tune-up. As with most things in life, paying attention, applying care, makes things last longer, and relationships are no exception.  Think of your relationship like a square – evenly balanced between 4 corners…..

It doesn’t matter which of the 4 corners are your strongest base in your relationship. What matters is you don’t want to be missing any one corner, leaving your square teetering on 3 sides, unbalanced.

Think of one corner as your similarities and differences.  In a healthy relationship, you need to be appreciative of your similarities and differences.  You need your similarities for cohesiveness as a couple. But you need your differences for new energy, a different way of looking at things – new ideas.

Another corner might be your interactions. It is all about talking and listening:  if one partner does more of the talking, decision making, etc, and the other at times unheard, then the relationship is unbalanced. Talking and listening allows the exchanges that help the relationship to grow, morph, deepen.

There also has to be a corner that is a kind of unique container to hold the relationship. It is the shared meaning of the relationship, coming from shared action and shared understanding. It is your unique signature, from being together.  You both have to feel engaged, even “productive” in the relationship. Celebrate your contributions to the “container”!

Finally, the last corner is simply the commitment to the success of the relationship – your “reason for being”.  It is the glue that holds you together.  If there is too much disagreement, too much wasted energy in conflicting activities, then you might not believe in your reasons for being together.  An acknowledgement, even a formal “meeting” from time to time, about your agreed commitment could be very fruitful and healthy.

When one of these points is out of balance, the relationship doesn’t function as well.  Consider using these 4 corner points as a tool to review your relationship, and talk with your partner.

Our Top 6 Best Blog Picks!

We picked our 6 favorite blog entries. Read about great date ideas, fabulous Valentine’s finds, and awesome advice! Click on each blog hotlink below:

S T R E T C H Your Relationship   

 4 Pictures of Romance 

Dates that Inspire      Effortless WOW Dates 

Valentine Ideas       Lazy Man and Romance

S T R E T C H Your Relationship  Try something new with your spouse and re-discover the possibilites! Stretching out of your comfort zone ideas can make a great Valentines Day adventure, or just a truly romantic date night!

4 Pictures of Romance  Take a spin on our Romance Wheel and find out which type of romantic you are (or aren’t! ….then follow our personalized advice for your particular type, and WOW the romantic partner in your life!

Dates that Inspire Have an amazing Valentine’s Day by inspiring each other with a charitable fling! Instead of chocolates, helping someone else can give you an even better aphrodesiac buzz!

Effortless WOW Dates Well – this says it all!  Create a unique Valentines Day Date that isn’t the usual suspects…think Out of The Box!  You will be amazed at the fresh, new approaches, the really fantastic ideas for dates, that require little to no planning on your part!

Valentine Ideas  Find four ideas for our most romantic gestures – any one of them is sure to win you hugs and kisses or even happy tears! Be a Romance Giant and try several of them. You’ve got to see these ideas!!

Lazy Man and Romance  If you are lazy when it comes to romance (male or female!) then read through this advice. Combine with our ideas above and you can’t lose on Valentines Day! 

Romance is possible for ANYONE no matter how long it has been since your last romantic gesture. Don’t let Valentines Day be boring this year! CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE COMPLETELY!!

Believe in True Love?

Are the short, darker winter days pushing you to find a little excitement in life?  Perhaps reading one of the world’s most famous love stories will find you looking at your spouse in a new light! The top 3 most famous love stories…..?

My fifteen year old is currently reading Romeo & Juliet  in English class, and mentioned to me that “this story is really pretty good”.  High praise indeed!  If you haven’t read it, or haven’t in a while, then pick up a copy of  what has to be the most famous love story of all time.  It will refresh those core beliefs like love at first sight, and giving “all” for your Love! 

We have to thank Shakespeare for yet another classic love story -Antony and Cleopatra.  These two also found love at first sight. Despite public criticism, and fear from the Romans that the Egyptians were becoming too powerful, they married.  While out fighting, a lie was told to Antony that Cleopatra was dead, and he fell on his own sword. When Cleopatra found out, with a broken heart, she tragically took her own life as well.

My personal favorite, although not as famous, is the Love Letters of Abelard and Heloise.  He was a French philosopher – considered one of the greatest thinkers of the 12th century. Heloise was a great beauty and very well educated, so it wasn’t long before they fell in love, even though she was 20 years younger. They secretly married, but her uncle was enraged, and proceeded to castrate Abelard. He ended up as a priest, and she a nun in a convent, but their life long letters of love will warm your heart.  You may find yourself writing a few love notes yourself!  (Don’t despair, shop our website for some great  love notes, and even some tips on how to write them, with Love Notes 101!

Winter may seem long, but you can spice up your love life with some of the the most famous fiery passions written!

Date Opportunities!

The Holidays are more than gift giving time – they are date opportunities for spending quality time together.  It doesn’t matter if you are dating, or married 20 years, amidst the “musts” and “shoulds” of holiday preparation, consider some true stress relief by spending intentional time together.

Avoid the stress – look for some great dates! We have a few suggestions for activities around town. Perhaps slip back to a simpler time?  A Victorian Christmas at the Ramsey House (Alexander Ramsey House, St. Paul MN).   Visit the Alexander Ramsey House this holiday season as Christmas 1875 comes alive. Take in a Victorian holiday with heirloom ornaments on the 12 foot parlor tree, period china on the dining room table, and fresh cookies from the wood-burning stove.

The popular “Homecoming” holiday tours run through Jan. 3, 2010. Other special programs include Annie’s Kitchen baking classes, Victorian floral workshops and special carriage rides around Historic Irvine Park. Visitors should make their reservations early for these popular events.

Need a date with a few laughs?  A holiday favorite returns with Triple Espresso – A Highly Caffeinated Comedy.  It is back at the Music Box Theatre on Nicollet Avenue through Jan 9.  Triple Espresso tells the story of three guys whose bid for showbiz fame and fortune ended in 4-minutes of magnificent failure on national television. Hugh Butternut, Buzz Maxwell, and Bobby Bean tell their rags-to-rags story earnestly, with hysterical results. Butternut is a musician, a vulnerable soul with a lounge lizard smile; Maxwell is an uncertain magician with an attitude; and Bean is an irrepressible, all-over-the-map entertainer with big dreams. The laughter is infectious and the comedy appeals to everyone from first graders to college students to baby-boomers to grandparents.

Or perhaps a Nostalgia Date with some charitable overtones. Check out the Riverview Theatre!  In what is becoming an annual tradition, they will have screenings of A CHRISTMAS STORY on December 20-23. This year they will also have IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE on the schedule. Admission to either of these films will help benefit the local Food Shelf.  Popcorn and soft drinks will be available for just $1. Click here for more information. (Advance tickets are now on sale on their website.)

Another intimate date idea?  Consider improve theatre at Stevie Ray’s Improv company at the Chanhassen with a brand new holiday show.

Stevie Ray’s proudly presents its newest holiday comedy with music, O Little Town of Chanhassen November 19-December 30.  Enjoy holiday music and comedy!

Of course the best stress reduction is fabulous easy-to-find-gifts for your special someone – you  can shop for a unique and memorable date to give as a holiday gift! Just shop here – at Out of The Box Dates – see our exciting romantic adventures!  We wish you the best holiday season ever!

Anniversaries are a lovely time to recommit to each other and renew your relationship.  My husband and I just passed our XX anniversary (yup – it’s up there).

 We waffled a bit about a decision on how to celebrate…

 We thought about dinner out. (Always nice – we’ve celebrated that way many times) but his work schedule shot down the two weekend nights. We looked at a concert near our anniversary (we’ve done this 2 or 3 times – also a nice event if its an artist or group you both love), but it turned out the only dates for the group we wanted were on the same night as my book club, and our son’s band concert.  Then I received a Groupon or Social living discount email for a condo on the north shore – what an idea – a get-away-weekend!   

Ahhh!! – but while the kids are old enough to be alone for a dinner or concert, they are not quite the age for a weekend alone.

Have you ever been stumped this way?  We both knew the day would just slip by like any other day if we did nothing, and it certainly wouldn’t put our marriage on the rocks, but it still seemed disappointing! However, time slipped by in the rush of work, kids, and other commitments.  Before you know it, it was that night.

He had to work until 8, but I made him one of his favorite dinners.  Even lit a candle on the table. And, surprise! He brought home a dozen roses and a lovely cake from the bakery.

And being the crazy life we are all used to, we ended up eating a slice of cake for breakfast the next day!  But you know what? Classic is nice! Sometimes you just “let it go” and see what percolates up. (A+ Romantic Idea!)

If you would prefer a bit of planning, rather than an unpredictable percolation….we do understand, and recommend a truly unique and amazingly different anniversary memory.  Our advice is to visit our website for a Romantic Themed Date! ( You can even shop together….)   If you are still searching for making Staying Married memorable, here are a few suggestions:

Throw a Retro anniversary party—and dress the part!

Take your own anniversary photo and send announcements (maybe some will send gifts!)

Did you fake your way through that wedding dance? Maybe this anniversary you can recommit to dance lessons!

Throw caution to the wind, and have an anniversary sculpture made (when young – so you can look back and remember how you both looked with hair!)

 Customize your own recommit-vows ceremony! 

Then write us and tell us about your greatest hits (and fails) of anniversary celebrations. We’d love to hear from you!