You can’t reach what you don’t define!

Everyone believes in goals. You have to know what your goal is, and then take steps, mini-goals even, to help you achieve that goal.  It works for careers; it works for education. So how about a Love Goal? Why not take steps, to achieve the relationship you want.

Relationships can seem like a puzzle. And you aren’t sure what step to take next. Or you’ve been in it awhile, and you stopped looking for other pieces.  Don’t think of your relationship as a puzzle;  consider the time-honored success of setting a goal – your Love Goal.

Goals help you focus your time and efforts.  You achieve so much more than when you are unfocused.  Unfocused, diffused energy means just passing time as many people do with their relationships.  Goals help you establish priorites. Instead of just going with the flow and letting  other interests determine where you end up, you consciously decide which way to go.

A few hours of focused time, and you will see and feel the success of making your relationship a priority.

Simple goals:  Hold hands during a walk…find  a reason to encourage or compliment your partner…suprise them with their favorite piece of candy…decide together that you will take 2 hours each week to set your relationship goals or review them — and set new ones.

Goals provide a way to focus and concentrate your time and energy into carefully chosen targets that you designed or the two of you designed together, to make significant positive impacts in your relationship.

 Don’t wait another minute! Spend some time together and set a few small starter goals or a goal statement for your relationship renewal!

When Relationships are a Puzzle

Over time in a relationship, you become comfortable with each other and flow along with shared interests and activities.  At some point, though, circumstances change, and fireworks – or an argument – arises. The relationship moves into a dangerous time of conflict. 

Ultimately, the issue is resolved or forgotten, and you return to a new level of shared experience and a mutually satisfying relationship.  That may be what your head tells you, but how does your heart deal with the moment of time when you are caught in this puzzle, and can’t see the future? How does your heart feel, when you are are in a daily routine, with no expectation of change.

The relationship path is predictable in its general shape, but in any moment it is truly unpredictable. Does one ever know whether the next moment brings reassurance or surprise? No, so a good partner is constantly aware of circumstances, as well as the needs of self and other.

When things are calm, it is easy to fall into habits . We can ignore our relationship because it is pretty much the same as it was before.  And we can thrive in that comfort zone – at least for a while.  Sometimes though, we need to be critical of our own assumptions. We need to think carefully and clearly about what we see and what it means. We need to communicate with each other to test our assumptions.

In times of conflict  in your relationship,  just being aware may not be enough.  And making a decision in the midst of uncertainty can feel like standing on the edge of cliff and stepping off into empty space. We don’t know what the future holds. We don’t know how our partner will respond to our actions, and we have no idea what other factors might affect us.

So how do you thrive during times of conflict? Or comfort?

We never know for sure. Nevertheless, we must act. To stand in inaction, frozen in fear of the unknown, is to lose the opportunity to engage in the learning and growth of  our relationship.

So maybe it is just a decision to be ready and eager to step off the cliff and into the unknown. To know that whatever surprises the future holds, you can meet them with open eyes, thoughtful meaning , and sufficient courage to thrive on the shifting complex landscape of improved relationships.  Maybe, after all, it is all about choice and attitude!  And the desire to take adaptive action, and engage with the emerging changes in your relationship.